I have some problems in my life that at first I never knew it would destroy my life. Since I was 5. I enjoy doing nothing. I enjoy quite room with a simple bed. And just lay down for the rest of the day. But I never realize that someday I would end up for a week. Because I was still living with my parents, and for that I have someone in Control for my Lazyness. But as I'm starting to live my own life in age of 17. Things went down..



Long story short, Now I'm a 3rd Semester student in University Majoring in Electrical engineering. And to survive and get a really good grades, I need extra time to just sit in a quite room, read books, calculating. I literary spend almost 5 hours on 1 homework alone, sometimes more. And everyday I have 3 or more Tasks which includes Re-Learning what lectures gave. So in summary, my whole day is just between the books , campus and bed. To make it worse, I never enjoy reading in my whole life. My reading speed is So Slow that I always have to Re-Read 5 times just to understand a sentence. It's a bad habit that until now I still don't know the answer. In my view it's pretty stressful journey so far. And the result is not that good Either.

A week Earlier, It's monday and probably my 1/3 month of the semester. There was a Quiz on that day, another on Wednesday, and another on Friday. And I still got a lot of assignment on my Lab Class. And to make it worse, I woke up late (as usual). I was so freaked out that I decided

And at that time I was planning about using my entire week for studying, get some rest, preaparing stuff for the new materials , etc. In short. I planned everything so beautifully that I was positive it's gonna be the best week ever. (even though I skip some quizzes)

But then here is the greasy part. I thought


which It felt so great. Because I rarely sleep for more than 5 hours like a normal-healthy person would do, and now with a day-off I can just lay down and sleep until 6 p.m. Then I woke up, I was confused about what should I do, even though I can use that time to start my plan, but suddenly My body wants to Lazy more. I just don't have the passion to start the night, and also the passion to start the plan. That is the beginning of all the break-down I have. At that moment I thought


It felt so great and at the same time It felt so bad.

The next day I woke up late, and when I saw the books that I Should learn for the plan, I just felt like it doesn't right. Like All of the sudden I don't want to start the plan at all. But I still trying to keep myself read the books for 2 hours and I learn nothing. Nothing at all, I was so bored I can't Even concentrate and Start to play games on my laptop. Which I thought I will spent an hour or two, but in the end, I spend my whole day. After 9 p.m My realization comes in telling me (fucked me) that I've Fucked up. I became so stressed that I went for a long sleep, again. This happened for the whole week.


And now it's monday, I woke up early and I have 2 quizzes.  The quizzes start in less than 3 hours and i didn't even preapared yet. Which makes me so stressed (again) that i decided again to avoid the conflict by Laying down in bed until the both of the quizzes was over which is on 12.30 p.m. Then I decided to read some books (this time without some stress). But the risk of loosing up to 5 quizzes that will affecting my grades for good is linger in my mind. Anyway, while I was reading the books, i saw a green colored book next to me. It's my Lab class book. I Stared it for 5 minutes because I felt like there is something wrong with this book. Then I realize that I've just MISSED my Lab Class! Which is not okay, because if I missed that class for only once, I got blacklisted and cannot enter the class until next year.

Basically I fucked up good today, and I cannot think worse. Now I'm afraid of my grades, my future, and my parents hopes for me. My brain is just dead. and..... I don't know where to start all over again. Even when I tried to read again my books, I can't concentrate because of how fucked up I was. I hope by writing this story, I can spend some hours of my day doing something better than just sleeping and playing video games.

-Ciao

Ps. even though I really dislike reading. I don't dislike writing. It's weird because whenever I have done writing, I never want to read it. I hate it.